Whores and Self Publishing

What a mess of information the internet is. The fact that any of you are reading what I have to say boggles my mind. Chances are high that I don’t know you and you don’t know me. Yet, here we are having a one-sided conversation (one point: Me).

The publishing industry has obviously changed thanks to the digital age.

ASPIRING AUTHORS!—is your book a piece of trash?! Well you’re in luck! You can get it published—for FREE!

…but will you make any money? That depends largely on your social circle, your online media presence and your willingness to self-promote (and skills therein). I know a self-published acquaintance who writes literary shit, but he (at one time) made enough to survive off of it.

My own stories on the other hand, which everyone tells me are superior in every way, don’t sell.

Let’s call my money-making acquaintance Jack.

Jack’s stories are easy to read, minimally entertaining, and pointed at a niche group. This worked for him. As did his willingness to pimp his own work, something I still haven’t resorted to.

“A mind-f*** of paranoia, time-travel and repeated suicide!”

And therein lies one of my downfalls—my inability to pimp myself out like an Author of the Night. That said, Jacob Miller’s U4Ea is a kick-ass piece of dystopian sci-fi. And have you heard of SHIFT? Talk about mind-f*** central. Both of those works are so original and well-written compared to most the crap I see on Amazon—especially Money-Making Jack’s stuff. If only someone knew how to market themselves better, I bet Jacob Miller’s stuff would sell like hotcakes.

Jacob Miller’s so sexy, I want his books inside me.

That’s the nature of the market though. Unless you manage to snag a publishing deal, your chances of making money off fiction largely depend on your ability to whore yourself. Or your pseudonym’s self. (Insert Jacob Miller brainwashing technique here).

A massive amount of literature on Amazon is available for free if you snag it at the right time. People, like the fantastically amazing Jacob Miller, occasionally provide their work for free in hopes of people writing some reviews. Yet, people (unlike Jacob Miller) suck.

They’ll take most any free thing they can get, then toss it aside. After all, it was free. What’s the harm in wasting free shit? “No sweat off my sack.”

A free dinner costs you nothing to piss on. And free books, especially ebooks, cost nothing to horde. With such an abundance of free literature available, however, most readers readily toss (what could be) amazing stories aside because the first page didn’t sweep them away. The market’s changed. And publishing authors need to change with it. The quantity of available literature has never been higher. And I don’t think the quality’s changed all that much.

But the responsibility of authors hoping to penetrate the market has changed. If you want to shirk the traditional publishing route, you’ll need to play every role—from editor to marketer—and hope for the best.

Fifty Shades of Grey is proof that shit sells. The masses gobble it up. Everyone has a chance at least to become rich off shit, but first it needs to be written. Then marketed. After that, it’s up to the people to decide.

And you are people.

There’s a whole slew of questions I’d love to ask you, but I’ve boiled it down to two:

Self-published authors: How do you feel about pimping yourself out?

Free ebook readers: How many free ebooks have you snagged up and tossed aside without giving a fair chance?



  1. I’m hopeless at marketing ! If I’d known how difficult it was to promote a book, I probably wouldn’t have devoted months of my life to it. There’s just so much out there that most books get lost, regardless of the quality of the writing. I don’t consider myself to be a great writer. I just had a true story to tell. The friends that persuaded me to write the book haven’t bothered to buy it, and I’ve had to buy a copy myself for them to read 🙂


    • I feel ya there. The nice thing to remember is–your book’s written. It’s finished now. You have the rest of your life to promote it. Who’s to say it won’t gain traction if you find new ways to promote your work or find a niche group to drop hints at now and then. Find your audience and speak to them…
      There’re so many ways to promote yourself. I imagine I’m only aware of a few among hundreds, but my problem is I don’t like pushing products on people–even if I believe in them 100%.
      Best of luck to you and your work!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s